Matthew Steckel

In the wild suburban habitat, a strange spectacle unfolds…

Behold, the human known as Matthew has decided to take on Steptember. For reasons science cannot explain, they have committed to walking 2,000 steps per day - a feat normally reserved for migratory birds, marathon runners, and people who’ve forgotten where they parked at Westfield.

Observe as the creature stumbles out of their natural nesting site (the couch), legs trembling, limbs stiff from years of underuse. At step 73, they pause to consume their primary fuel source: half a muesli bar they found in their pocket. Predators such as laziness and Netflix circle nearby, waiting for them to falter. They pause, visibly confused, as if wondering: Why walk, when delivery apps exist?

Will they survive the perilous journey around the block? Or will they collapse dramatically outside the local bakery, lured by the smell of cinnamon scrolls? Only time will tell.

But this noble migration has a purpose! Each awkward shuffle - like a baby giraffe testing its legs, only sweatier - raises money so babies with cerebral palsy can receive vital therapy in their first 1000 days. Truly, a remarkable act of flailing for the greater good.

So donate now - help this clumsy mammal achieve the impossible. And remember: every blister, every shin cramp, every awkward wave at a neighbour who definitely saw them trip… is for the children.